Listen to the episode here.

We have a special guest for our listeners this week. Nikki from the History Unlocked with Nikki podcast joins us and kicks things off by telling us one unhinged story.

She tells us about the Cadaver Synod, which is the posthumous trial of Pope Formosus. This dude was dug up and tried by the current pope, who was deposed. The next pope condemned the affair, but he didn’t last long, and his replacement dug up Pope Formosus and tried him again. It was a whole thing.

Then, Theresa tells us the story of Petrus Gonsalvus, the historical basis of Beauty and the Beast. This poor guy was born as a slave, with werewolf syndrome (hypertrichosis). This genetic rarity resulted in him being given as a gift to France’s King Henry II at his coronation. Henry decides to see if this beast can be educated. Henry’s wife, Cathrine de Medici, ups the ante and wants to see if he can procreate. So she arranges his marriage to an unwitting woman.

When four of their children also experience hypertrichosis, they are taken from the family and given away to nobles as pets.

In a bid to improve the tone of the podcast, Angie shares the life of Theresa’s favorite name, Dick Gorgeous. Gorgeous is the man who stole the Irish Crown Jewels, and when you listen to his background, you can really understand how his whole life led to this event.

This story pairs well with:
The pope who wrote the dirty book
Mulan
The Irish Crown Jewel Heist

Transcript

Theresa: Hi, and welcome to the Unhinged History Podcast, the podcast where a couple of absolute unhinged nut jobs are going to mainline history means like it’s the last thing we’re put on this planet to do. And then we’re going to join forces once a week and tell you the stories we’ve only recently learned. I’m host one. I’m Teresa, and that is host two. 

Angie: I’m Angie, but technically wouldn’t we do it like it’s the only thing we were put on this earth to do, not the last thing. 

Theresa: Honestly, you know what? I misspeak all the time. It is why I hit record so that I can be humbled every time I have to edit this stupid thing. Um today though, we have a special guest, an unhinged friend of a pod. 

Angie: Uh we have another unhinged individual. 

Theresa: We do have another unhinged history. Like, so we have history unlock unlocked history with Nikki. Yeah. I know this so much. Like I interact with you all the time on TikTok, but can I actually like communicate like a human? Like I hit record or anything. No. 

Angie: That would be silly. I don’t know why you’re doing that to yourself. Just be you. 

Theresa: Nikki, give us give us a little bit of a synopsis. What is your sizzle reel? Yes. Um, I am Nikki, host of History Unlocked with Nikki. Um, I’m a public historian and lifelong history obsessive person. I have absolutely loved history since I was a kid, and honestly, I never really stopped studying. I love the rabbit holes, I love when it gets messy, I love the human elements. Um, anything where it’s like really dramatic and transformative, that’s kind of my my happy spot. 

Uh Titanic, Queen Victoria, anything with those big transformational periods like heading from the late 1800s into the industrial revolution, revolutionary America, all of that. That is my vibe. I just I love living in that area and and finding just random chaotic moments in history to deep dive into. 

You’re in a good place. It’s pretty fun. Um, so I have brought one of those chaotic stories for you guys today. I mean, honestly, we’re gonna row Shambo to who goes first, but that’s a great segue. 

Angie: You go. No, no, no, no. We want you to go first. 

Theresa: Um, okay, so um for the sources that I have for this uh episode, I went ahead and looked at some older medieval sources, um, because we’re going we’re going pretty far back. Um I have some medieval sources like the Annalis Almancy, uh a few other contemporary accounts that cover this. 

Um a lot found in medievalist.net, J Story Daily uh topics, and Catholic answers. Wow. Yeah, so it it’s an interesting one for sure. Um but yeah, so if you all are ready, I I can dive into the the unhinged topic of my segment. And no, we are gonna interrupt at will. That is completely fine. Can’t stop, won’t stop. You know what? 

Angie: This we tried once, it didn’t work. 

Theresa: This one will definitely have moments where you’re gonna want to interrupt because it’s it’s chaotic and absolutely unhinged. Yes. Um I did. 

Angie: I did. I tried to bring the unhinged vibe. Um, so today I am bringing to you probably one of the absolute most unhinged moments in church history, surprisingly. It’s the cadaver synod. Okay. Okay, what is uh what is it? 

odd? Uh the synod is a trial. Um yes, the cadaver is exactly what you would think it is. Okay. All right. All right. Um carry on. Um this is basically a moment where a Pope took Petty to a wholly unnecessary level, and he dug up his predecessor. He fully dressed him back in his papal robes, and he put him on trial. 

Angie: So sometimes you gotta do that. 

Theresa: Yeah, you know, why not? You know, and when you say like sorry, I am interrupting. I said go on, and then I interrupted. Um you said like unhinged church history. I’m pretty sure we could do a top ten, and each story would be even crazier than the last, and we’d all go, what timeline is this? 

Angie: Honest to goodness, because Teresa told the story once about nuns that meowed. 

Theresa: You know what? I heard that one and I loved that. I thought that was such a hilarious episode. Meowing nuns was not on a bingo card in anyone’s life. 

Angie: Oh, it’s on our bingo card. It’s actually not, but it’ll be on the next one. There you go. 

Theresa: Um, so yeah, basically, surprisingly enough, the cadaver synod as crazy as it would seem to us, it wasn’t absolutely like unhinged for the time because this takes place in late 800s Rome, where it was just a Russian roulette of, oh dear lord, what’s happening today. So it wasn’t too far out there. 

Um, everything in Rome at this time is like a political political pressure cooker, and this kind of was just the culmination and lended it to utter chaos, and it turned into just this massive dramatic explosion. Uh nice. Yeah. So uh where we’re at is in the late 800s, and this is where the papacy is far less spiritual leadership and way more political chaos than anything else. So it gets really interesting. Popes are being installed and deposed and imprisoned and poisoned and murdered all very quickly. 

So the average papal reign at this time measured just months, not years. Whoa. Yeah, it’s nuts. So, like our lifetime, you know, we have you know, popes who last for years. Um at one point there was a pope who only reigned for 15 days. 

Yeah, it’s crazy. Um, Rome was incredibly fractured and unstable, and it was majorly dominated by the noble families who ran the papal throne like a prize, and it was essentially mafia, surprise, surprise in Rome. Um the most powerful family was the spiletto dynasty. Think of them spiletto, that’s spiletto, right? It kind of makes me want ice cream. Um half gelato, half spiletto. Exactly. 

Angie: Gelato with knives. 

Theresa: Yeah, with knives. That’s the name of the episode. We’re done here. Gotcha. Um, but yes, the spilettos were basically uh ninth century Carleons. They ran everything behind the scenes, they had their little puppets disposed all throughout the city. They were wealthy, they were very militarized, and they were deeply invested in controlling anyone who sat on the papal throne. So their influence is very strong in Rome, and they wanted it to feel a lot less like a holy city and much more like a political battleground. So they definitely kind of set the stage with this um utter chaos that was raining in the time. So to understand why the cadaver synod actually happened, we have to understand that the spilettos were medieval mafia, violent, ambitious, and very willing to destroy anyone who crossed them. The papacy didn’t matter, they just wanted the control. And the spilettos had a very long memory and a very short temper. Very mafia. Oh, I love this combo. 

Angie: This is even Lannister. 

Theresa: Oh, it’s entirely Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones needs to do a like medieval season that’s all about about the cadaver synod. That was absolutely insane. Um they really expected loyalty from the people who served them. They wanted direct obedience and political alignment. 

And when someone defied them, especially someone who wasn’t as influential as a pope, they absolutely annihilated and retaliated. Uh so the next part for this is the players. Carry on. Every every dramatic story has key players. We have Pope for Morse or sorry, Pope Formosus. We have Pope Stephen the Sixth and the Spilettos. For Moses was a brilliant, respected and very controversial figure. 

He had been exiled, reinstated, but was still admired across Europe. Stephen the Sixth was very insecure. He was politically fragile and incredibly dependent on the influence from the Spilettos for his position. And of course, we’ve already established that the Spilettos were mafia and were out for blood at this point. And the whole entire mess started because Formosis decided that he would not crown the Spilettos’ preferred candidate for emperor. So instead he ended up backing their enemy. So wait a minute. 

Angie: Our man is downward and a bag of rocks Tells the real king makers. Hey, you’ve made the last several popes. You want to make emperor, go kick rocks. Mm-hmm. Yep. All right. Yeah. So he he kind of signed his own death warrant with that one. 

Angie: Um Maybe he was just hoping for like a forced retirement. 

Theresa: No. It could be. It could be. Yeah. That Um that move was a bad choice. It very much publicly humiliated the spilettos. And they did not take that lightly. So I know I know, right? Schmoker. The mafia doesn’t like being told no. Um it was an absolute. 

Angie: If we’re honest, do any of us like being told no? You know, you’re right. 

Theresa: I need to be humored a bit more with my power trips so that I can have some epic meltdowns. 

Angie: What is it you will be indulged? Is that was that? 

Theresa: Yeah, that was when we were talking about Sakaway, yeah. Um the spilettos did not forget this. They held on to a grudge like nobody’s business. It was passed through the entire spileto family. And when Fromosis died, surprisingly, of natural causes. They didn’t breaks fail. Sure. Exactly. What? 

Angie: just I just have this visual of him like, what it’s like 800 rooms, so it’s like a uh an amazing chariot, and the brake lines have been cut. But the chariot looks like a cross between an actual chariot and the current Poemobile. The mobile. Yeah. And his brakes are horses, right? So like one’s missing a foot now. Thanks, Teresa. 

Theresa: For the thing, I’ll be here the whole episode. Oh, that’s great. That’s great. Uh but yeah, so he dies, and you’d think that that would be the end of the feud. It was not. They decided to take it to the next level. It ended up turning into just complete and utter chaos. 

He ended up being buried like a normal pope with honors, respectfully, and Rome moves on. Except for the Spilettos. They are still pissed, and they wanted to get a new tool into the papacy, which was Stephen the Sixth, Vermosis’ enemy. 

And Vermosis, again, insecure, weak, willing to do anything. He’s like that creepy little guy in the corner of, you know, every bad medieval movie. Uh he you know what? Stephen the Sixth reminds me of um is it it’s not worm, it’s not worm tongue. Worm tongue. 

Yes, worm tongue. That’s exactly who who Stephen VI reminds me of. He’s just like in the corner willing to do whatever. So to go the extra mile to prove his loyalty to the spilettos, he decides that he is going to try and undo everything that Fromosis did. So he completely disavows any blessings, any ordinances, any appointments that Fromosis made, and the Spilettos were still not happy with this. So he decides that he is going to take it one step further, and probably the furthest step that anything has ever been taken. 

And he decides he’s gonna dig up Formosis’ body. Which is when you’re doing too much. Carry on. Um, this is absolutely the point of no return. He digs up Formosus’s body nine months after he has been dead. Lovely. Yeah. Gross. I’ve watched too many CSI episodes to know what that would probably look like. 

Angie: I mean, it would really depend on a lot of other factors from the true crime that I I indulge. True, true, very true. I’m thinking he’s dry by now. 

Theresa: You know, I mean you wouldn’t winter. Was he buried in summer? You see what I mean? That is a good valid. He wasn’t involved, so he’s gonna break down. Yes. And his body was recorded to be very fragile and decaying. Oh, decaying. So he’s he’s got some moisture. Yeah, he’s juicy. Huh. He’s moisturized. He’s he’s juicy, probably combo of shut up, stiff and wiggly. Ew. I don’t Um I don’t want to play anymore. 

Angie: I’m going home. 

Theresa: Well, it gets worse. Um. They decide that they are going to put him on a full trial. So they take From Moses’ lovely nine month rotting corpse and they dress him back up in his papal ropes. Full vestiments with the robe, the hat, all of it, and they visually restore his authority so that they could end up tearing it down in front of everyone in the cadaver synod. 

Angie: How does one visually restore their authority when they’ve been dead? 

Theresa: I grant you Pope. Basically, instead of corpse, here’s your little pointy pope hat and here is your Pope robes, and I’m sure they tried to stick on fingers where they put him on a throne, right? 

Oh yeah, they put him on a throne. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 

Okay. It it ended up being a whole public affair. Um and the wild part is they even assigned a deacon to be his lawyer. I like how you said the wild part. Like we hadn’t officially gotten there yet. No, we haven’t. There’s there’s more. But I just keep imagining this poor little deacon who’s been told that he’s going to defend a corpse. 

Angie: I’m quitting my job. 

Theresa: He’s like, I’m out. I I joined this because I actually believed in the faith. Uh, you know, I’ve I’ve blessed so many sacraments. I’ve kissed so many babies. I’ve just been blessing the holy water every and this is this is what I did. I told my mother I would join the church, and now I am putting Vaseline under my nose so that I can continue to go to work. 

Angie: Oh gosh. I should have gone to the military. 

Theresa: I should have just married Stacy. I wonder what she’s doing right now. 

Angie: Stacy Stacy’s happy at home. Here I am stuck in front of a corpse. Oh Lord. Um Stephen proceeds to have a full trial. Stephen is pointing and accusing the d decomposing Fermosis propped up on a throne. Uh he is absolutely unhinged. 

Just picture like those lawyer scenes where spits flying out of the mouth, you know, kind of the whole uh what it what was the movie the You can’t handle the truth. 

Theresa: He did that. Yeah. I’m gonna yes. just envision that. According to records, he was just that unhinged trying to get Formosis to declare that he was invalidly made Pope. And he doesn’t deny it. 

I asked him. Here’s the thing. They went as far as to shake the throne to make Formosis look like he was nodding and agreeing with the accusation. Honestly, you could have just tied a string to his head. Oh, that would have been so much better. Little puppet. 

Yeah. Um so this poor deacon has to try and answer on behalf of the corpse. He has to pretend like it’s a legitimate legal proceeding. 

And I just I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. Uh the official charges made against the corpse were perjury, illegally becoming pope, violating canon law, and it was much less about theology and just sending the message, basically not to cross the spilettos. In the middle of all of this, Rome has an earthquake. Literally, this doubt mid-trial, earth begins to shake, everyone in the courtroom starts to panic, but Stephen keeps yelling and keeps going. And it’s recorded in the Annellis Almancy Records that in the midst of the cynod, the earth shook. And that that was kind of everyone started freaking out thinking that it was God’s punishment. That, you know, it was not a great a good omen. And it probably wasn’t the best. Right? Yeah. Not a good look. 

No, not a great look. Uh by the end of the trial, for Moses is surprisingly found guilty. Shocker. I know, right? Why why would he be found innocent? Um if you’re gonna go through all that, dig him up, re 

Theresa: rejoin the cave after all of it. was a dead man, yeah. Right? And you would think that that would be the end of it, right? 

Angie: He’s declared guilty, all of that is good, but it’s not. Stephen takes it further. He decides that he is going to strip the corpse of the vestiments. He cuts off his little papal blessing fingers to unnull any blessings that he made. And then he dragged the body through the streets of Rome and tossed it into the Tiber River, where previous uh Roman like what is it, thieves and just all the worst people of Rome were tossed. Yes. Very game of thrones. I’m just curious, did any prior to this? Was Stephen at all blessed by this former Pope? 

Theresa: Like, did he get a point of the phone? No, it wasn’t blessed by a therapist, I can tell you that much. might be. 

Angie: Stephen and Fermosis were notoriously against each other throughout 

Angie: all of Fermosis’s reign and most of his life. They did not Okay, so this is like uh You got a boss. 

Theresa: Okay. All right. I’ve been waiting for this. Oh, absolutely. 

Theresa: Stephen was like counting the days till he could, you know, dig up his enemy’s corpse and drag it through the streets. Um I know, right? It’s just so bad. I’ve never paid anybody that much. I think I gotta raise my hate game. 

Angie: Didn’t No, you’re fine. You’re fine. We’re not gonna be dragging anybody through the streets. 

Theresa: I like how you say that. That’s up there when I had my hormones done, and I told my husband, I was like, they’re gonna put me on testosterone. And his response is, you don’t need more testosterone. 

I need to call some people because that’s yeah, I needed more testosterone, but he was just like, okay, hold up. Before we do this, like what could be the possible outcome? Because long memory short fuse. Yeah, I mean I’m married to her. I know what that looks like. Oh my goodness. 

Angie: Yeah. I’m gonna stay your hand on this one, Teresa. Your your hate level is just fine. Oh my gosh, I love it. Um at this point, the public, of course, has witnessed all of this, you know, their previous Pope being dragged and dismantled and all of that, and they snap. 

Theresa: So they completely turn against Stephen the Sixth, who is overthrown and then strangled in prison. He went from a great day to a really bad day. Damn. Really bad day. Um they ended up finding Formosus’s body in the river, and they withdrew the even wetter corpse and decided to reconstitute reconstituted, reconstituted. 

Angie: I’m so grossed out. Okay. Sorry. 

Theresa: I have a dark sense of humor sometimes. 

Angie: You’re hanging out with me. I mean, and he’s stuck you know with the headphones on right now. But you’re hanging out with me. This is fine. Carry on. 

Angie: Oh man, I love it. Um, so at this point, Stephen the Sixth is gone, and the next Pope is Theodore the Second, and he is much more friendly to poor Fermosis. 

Theresa: And he reverses everything. He recovers Fermosis’s body, he reburies him with honor, and twenty days later he is no longer Pope. 

Angie: Because the spilettos are not happy. 

Theresa: Because of the revolving door. Because the revolving door, absolutely. So he is followed by John the Ninth, who officially condemns the cadaver synod. And after his very short reign as well, Sergeus the Third becomes Pope and digs up Formosis again. And at this point, Fromosis is too composed for them to dress and put on the throne again. 

So it was a very symbolic trial. But he recondems Fermosis. Um after that, the next Pope to come in puts another stop to that and reinstates Fromosis to all of his glory. The church is completely outraged. And they decide to put a hard stop on cadaver cynods. 

And there has never been another cadaver cynod after until now. we bring it up. Um but yeah, I I love this story for many reasons, mostly for it’s just absolutely unhinged uh nature. I really feel like someone needs to turn this into some kind of movie, some kind of filmed event. But it’s just it’s a really great reminder for me that we’re all messy. These are all messy human stories, and we’ve all been petty and unhinged. Hopefully we aren’t dragging our enemies through the streets after they have, you know, been dead for nine months. 

Angie: But because his I’m just thinking, you know he came back and haunted the hell out of everybody. Absolutely. For like generations. 

Theresa: You just see a random finger that just drops on the dinner table. Mm-hmm. 

Angie: Cover doors constantly being opened. 

Theresa: I’m picturing more of like the godfather scene with the horse in the bed, and I’m just picturing like fingers laying next to the spilettos as like a warning. Yeah. Oh, Honestly. Yeah. Yep. I mean, I fake it at this point. Yeah. If your last name’s spiletto, send me your address. I’ve got ideas. 

Angie: We’d like to know how the last thousand years has gone for you. Right? 

Theresa: I want to know. And I you know what? I love this because a thousand years later we’re still talking about how absolutely unhinged this was. So I’m here for it. Right? 

Angie: This was the only cadaver canoe, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. I didn’t think there was one before it. 

Theresa: No. Yeah, from what I was able to find. This is the uh the one and only well, to be fair. But four and only. Yeah. There were two. One when he was dead and one where he was more dead. 

Fair. I don’t know how to He was dead or? He was dead or? 

know how he’s better. Can say that they were put on trial twice while while dead, but this guy definitely can. That’s awesome. That’s roast. I know, right? So I think I’m gonna hard pivot into my story. I just look on the spreadsheet. You at first last time, Angie. It’s my turn to go first. Nikki technically stole that honor, so but uh I’ll. 

Angie: Don’t apologize. Sorry, it was amazing. Never apologize. 

Theresa: Oh, I always apologize. 

Angie: That’s my We will aggressively love you. 

Theresa: Yeah, we’ll yeah. Yeah. All right. I am gonna tell you the story of Pedro Gonzalez. Ooh. Okay. And question I’m gonna qu answer. 

Angie: Was he dead and did Digna Crush? 

Theresa: No. No. Okay. Honestly, Angie, I’m telling you right now, I am veering so hard into your wheelhouse that you are going to be frustrated you didn’t have this on your spreadsheet. 

Angie: Bill, you don’t know it’s not on my spreadsheet. You’ve never seen it. 

Theresa: Okay, well, here we go. My sources, hushed up history.com, uh titled Noble Beast, Stardom and Stag Stardom and Sadness of Petrus Gonzalvis. All this interesting article, Petrus Gonzalvus, and the Real Beauty and the Beast Story by John Kuroski. Damn interesting. So is this on your spreadsheet? Did I really just hijack your life? 

Angie: It’s in my mental spreadsheet that I have like it probably is on my actual spreadsheet too, but y’all know that’s 300 lines long. 

Theresa: You know, that’s none of my business. Born circa 37. 

Angie: 1337? 1537. 

Theresa: Okay, I heard you wrong. 

Theresa: I probably said it wrong. I’m gonna go through the street. 

Angie: No, I think you said right, I heard it wrong. 

Theresa: I mean, at this point, I cannot be trusted. Now, Pedro Gonzalez, he’s born, he’s a native of the Canary Islands. He begins his life as a slave, but our man is no ordinary slave. See, Pedro has hypertrichosis or werewolf syndrome. Oh. 

Okay. Long luxurious hair covers his body. I mean, Are we serious? it or no, I mean, like, just imagine. So I’ve I’ve got pictures for you. But for right now, I’m gonna save them those to the end. So you spoilers. Um, but imagine hair that’s roughly five to seven inches. Okay. So cousin it is more, you know, stripper length hair throughout. Yeah. 

Angie: Teresa, don’t corner the strippers into one length of hair. 

Theresa: Honestly, you’re right. I’m sorry. If you’re a stripper with short hair, I hope you’re rocking it. Now. You got it, Candy. We’re gonna go a little bit forward and backward in time here, so journey with me. Uh we really see Pedro hit the hit the scene July 25th, 1547. Okay. 

This is the date that King Henry the Second is being celebrated as the newly crowned king. Okay. Okay. Henry the second being husband of Catherine De Medici. Yes. Okay. This is why I knew I was like solidly stomping into Angie’s territory. 

Angie: She really is. She really is. Oh no. Yes, sorry. No. He’s legit. I’m I hope so. It’s not gonna be a punch. She could take me in a heartbeat. 

Theresa: Uh for those, you know, maybe new to Henry the second life. Uh, he is he’s already had kind of a turbulent lifestyle. He ended up spending some time as a hostage in Spain, and then he ends up ascending the throne. 

And his rise of power isn’t the only thing on everybody’s mind that night because there’s a huge topic of conversation about one of the gifts that he’s received. There is uh somebody who’s a little small in stature with big frightened eyes. They’re in a fairly large iron cage. It’s a 10-year-old boy. Oh. This is where Pedro lands onto the scene. Now he had been born in the Canary Islands, like I said. 

He was born a slave. And having this hypertrichosis, this made him basically a curiosity, right? And so he ends up being brought to the dungeon for observation because the court doctors who kept watch over him, they they kind of are waiting for any hint of savage behavior because they’re expecting this to happen. They’re expecting this thing to, I don’t know, chew the wall, start tunneling through things. Like what you do, right? Unclear what they thought a ten-year-old could do. I’m I’m sure ten year olds can do quite a bit. Mine’s been fairly tame. Mine chewed through a wall once. That’s important I want picks. 

Angie: He didn’t, but you know what? There is a dent in the door from his head. 

Theresa: So that’s close enough. 

Angie: Wrong part of his next time tell him to open his mouth when he’s doing it. 

Angie: Not, you know, not using his battering ramp. He’s eight. He hasn’t came. He made it. He’s eighteen, but he did go for a solid year of wearing his helmet inside a whole time. 

Theresa: Oh my gosh. All right. Moving right along. 

Angie: So you asked for my feral child. There you go. 

Theresa: I did. So the court doctors, going back to Pedro, when they all come to the same conclusion at dawn. They’re they’re like, you know what? Basically, this is just a polite little boy with hair as soft as Sable. That’s a quote. Wow. So they were petting this kid. Anyhow. Oh, oh yeah. 

Angie: Henry the V. the lessons got nothing on them. 

Theresa: Man, could you imagine the commercials? Just the flipping of the hair, all of the shampoo commercials. Panting pro V. Mm-hmm. Yeah. This guy could have been an influencer. Um, but Henry the Second, he now has a new goal because this thing is polite. He’s gonna try to do this long-term experiment on this wild man and turn him into an educated gentleman. He begins by giving him the revised Latin name of Petrus Gonzalvis. 

Okay. Now Gonzalvis’s education progressed, and so did everybody’s like shock and amazement in his court because he adapted pretty quickly to wearing the clothes of a nobleman and becomes absorbed in his l lessons. He’s learning etiquette, speech, reading, writing. He becomes fluent in three different languages. Okay. 

Angie: Nice. 

Theresa: He’s learning military tactics, Latin. He’s everything that a young nobleman should learn, and he tends to be more educated than some of the error aristocratic. 

Angie: Aristocracy. I am so glad I’m watching you struggle with this one because I struggle with it every time. You know what? I have struggled with this word previously while recording too. 

Angie: It’s such a hard word. Aristocracy. I mean, aristocrat. No, see, it’s because of the aristocrat. Yeah. Okay, with Jazz. 

Theresa: So Gonzalvis, as we’re gonna call him from now on. Gonzalvis is going through these ranks. Eventually, he earns a place of honor at the king’s court alongside people that just a couple years ago thought he was a wild animal. Wow. Now, despite working his way up, he’s never quite earning the respect due, and he’s not considered an equal, basically because of his shaving game. 

Rude. Now it looks like a success because he’s here. He’s got the high salute and clothing. 

But that’s basically it, right? He’s just there in name and not status. Now, early 20s, his world gets rocked because Henry the Second wasn’t long for this world. He dies after a jousting accident on June 10th, 1559. His protector, mentor, deuces off this planet, and now he’s placed under the ownership of Henry’s widow and regent, Catherine De Medici. 

Angie: Oh dear Lord. 

Theresa: And in case you’re wondering, this is not what you want to be in life. 

Angie: No, no, it’s not. Not particularly. 

Theresa: So of course, Catherine remembers when Pedro now Petrus came to court, but she sees this situation as a rare opportunity. Because people like Petrus are rare. And rare also meant valuable. And Catherine is a schemer. 

Yeah, she is. So he’s proven he could be a nobleman. And so she sets out to find him a wife. And after an extensive examination of candidates, she finds a young French woman, also named Catherine, and she decides that this Catherine is gonna fill the spot a bride, right? Now, young Catherine is the daughter of a royal court servant, and by some accounts, says that the Queen specifically chose to see what would happen with someone of such beauty is matched with someone of the appearance of a beast. 

Oh, harsh. Look, We’re we’ve never called Catherine the most empathetic character in the world. She that has never been that that’ll get scratched off Wikipedia faster than anything. Now up until the wedding day, the bride isn’t told a single thing of his condition. 

She only becomes aware of his appearance at the fucking altar. Wow. Damn. 

Okay. Now apparently, after one year of their their wedding, they welcome their first child, a son, which shows no trace of the father’s condition. So their second child, another son, also free of hair. 

But the third and fourth children, they inherit daddy’s condition and they come in the same soft hair as as Daddy. Catherine de Medici is absolutely delighted. Oh no, that’s never good. Yeah, normally pleasing the royals is going to be a great idea, unless it’s Catherine de Medici. But I also don’t know if disappointing Catherine de Medici is in your favor. Yeah. I think you want to be ignored. Yeah. 

Angie: Ideally. Forgotten. Yeah. 

Theresa: Now, in her mind, her experiment works. And she thinks of this outcome of this wild family as her very own creation. Now they have a total of seven kids all together, four of which are covered in fur. And then they start this family tour throughout Europe appearing before royal courts to the delight and fascination of everybody who lays eyes on him. Wow. This is the first circus side show as far as I’m concerned. Absolutely. I hate it. I it’s you know, there’s so much what the fuck in this story. 

Angie: Yeah. Wow. Yeah, okay. 

Theresa: They become one of the most famous families in Europe. Their touring cemented them not only to many memories, but also to the works of art that cut came from this. because they’re going to courts, and the court, You know, the king, hey, hey, painter, painter, stop, stop my portrait. Do that one. Do that one. 

Angie: They’re cool. Let’s go. Let’s go. Yeah. Let’s be paint. Let’s go. 

Theresa: Now, in 1582, Duke Albrecht the Fourth of Bavaria had their portraits painted with the family donning rich clothing to further accentuate their unusual appearances. In the 1590s, the family visited Switzerland where they were studied extensively by anatomist Felix Planter, who later published his findings on account of his time with them. Now, here’s where things kind of take a turn because 1589, there’s a little bit of aristocratic coup, and the Gonzalvis family found themselves without a benefactor. Every time Sump has kind of had a hiccup, this hasn’t worked out well. During their turmoil, they caught the attention of the Duke of Parma, who sent for Gonzalt Gonzalvis, his wife, the son, the four daughters, to his home city. 

The Duke dies before he can join them, but his wife Margaret, the Duchess of Parma, immediately took the family under her wing. Now here’s where things kind of get a little crazy. I I would probably need about 17 more sources to figure out which one is more correct. So things are about to get a little amorphous here, okay? Now their they’re physical vices are all over the place. 

There’s paintings, there’s everybody knows about them. They end up settling in Parma with either the Duke or his wife, sources mix here. And it seems that maybe first glance they’re living the dream, but things kind of go a little rough because they’re regarded by all noble comp or company, but they’re still less than human, never truly free. As they’re living in Parma, this means that the Duke and his family or his wife, whichever one, you know, basically own them, and they’re desperate to make their own living. They’re desperate to be out of the thumb of the noble ownership. So Gonzalez asks this source as the Duke for work, and he puts them in charge of a nearby estate where he could maintain the surrounding lands and vineyards. So this kind of gives him a taste of normacy, but he doesn’t regard the family as equals, and he kind of treats them like his own personal property. Kind of like Catherine de Medici seemed to. Now, portraits of children are commissioned to be given as gifts to any of you know the people that he wants to, you know, share this with the portraits are treasured by some with deep pockets or some, you know, basically anybody who just wants the curiosity hanging in their dining room. 

The four Gonzalvis children who were covered in fur are eventually given away as gifts by the Duke. Oh I hate that. They’re treated as pets. 

Right. The Duke gave one of the youngest children, Antonetta, to his mistress, Lady Isabella. And this story is documented in a portrait where she’s holding up a letter with the words clearly telling the tragic story of her own family. Wow. Which is one of those like holy crap. Now, as the family’s broken up, the mem remaining pieces really start to fade from public eye because out of sight out of mind. With some of the last accounts of Petrus and Catherine stating that they have attained a home in Italy in an estate that’s ruled by a duke who took them in, broke them apart with greed. 

And it’s here that Catherine and Petrus were finally able to have some peace and solace solitude that had eluded them their entire married lives. The last few years of their lives are kind of shrouded in mystery, as the state archive in Capatamonte records. Nope, Capatamonte records from their time that they were still maintained, and the yellow pages record that Catherine Gonzalvis died in the year 1623. But the last mention we have of Petrus is from 1617, where he attended the christening of his grandson. 

We have no record of Petrus’s death, and this seems to indicate that he probably didn’t receive the Christian sacraments upon his demise. But unclear, right? Did that page just not get written down? Did the priest go why not? Like we’re making a lot of assumptions with that. Yeah, right. 

Now it could be possible that he was denied the last rites of living, but we don’t quite know. Now it’s 1740. We have the very first version of what we become Beauty and the Beast, and that gets published in French, which could be an allusion back to Petrus himself. But we don’t truly know. Meanwhile, the graves of Petrus and Catherine have never been discovered. 

Angie: Good, let them have their peace. 

Theresa: They should have their piece, but I have I have some paintings. Yep, okay. Oh wow. Yeah, he’s on my list. So that’s Petris. Wow. You want to describe him? Which one? Angie, you’re the one I normally pick on. Yeah, you know how. 

Angie: Yeah, okay. All right. He’s hairy. He’s got the the rough, you know, the sixteenth century rough. Not quite as big as Lizzie One’s, but it’s it’s definitely a noble rough. He is wearing a red. Oh, hold on, my computer just decided that I don’t get to see the whole picture. He is wearing a red overcoat, and every inch of his face and head is covered in hair. He does have lips, eyes, and a nose, but at the rest think Bigfoot. 

Theresa: Yeah, honestly, like Harry and the Henderson. Yeah, very much human-sized. I mean, Harry, yeah, you’re right, Harry and the Henderson is a bit not. This is Antonetta, the daughter taken, holding the letter. Showing the story of her family. 

Angie: She looks just like him, but a tiny little girl version with pretty little eyes and pretty little lips and unsurprisingly not hairy hands. Right? You’re right, yeah. Very toddler hands. Very toddler hands. Her ruff is small, but it’s got this like really delicate like lace fringe. It’s actually gorgeous. Her her her silks are embroidered. 

Yeah, she is the cutest little toddler baby ever. Hmm. And these are two of the girls that suffered the same syndrome. Okay, so I’m not clear of which two. 

I’m gonna assume one’s like m more teenager aged and the other one is younger. They are decked out in the finery of the time. It is bright pink that they are wearing, and they are quite hairy. But again, their hands aren’t hairy. 

Theresa: Right. And I I don’t know if if Petrus’s hands were hairy, because you never see paintings in a she is, yeah, okay. 

Angie: This is Petrus and his wife Catherine. 

Angie: Catherine looks like a Catherine. 

Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, I’ll take it. Very much. 

Angie: She she’s got the the black uh that’s actually I’ve never um I can’t say I’ve seen a collar like hers before. That’s really pretty. It’s rough, but it doesn’t go all the way around. It’s open in the front, and she looks like she’s got a necklace on. She’s resting her hand upon the shoulder of Petrus, who is wearing a blue tunic, and he looks like he has had to sit for this painting for some time and is not happy about it. I don’t blame him. 

Theresa: I mean, this is probably the third painting of the day. 

Angie: Honest to goodness, just take a picture and last longer. 

Theresa: But So yeah, that’s the story of Petro Pedro Gonzalez or Petrus Gonzalez. Wow. Hey. Cool. Thanks for ruining my day. You’re welcome. 

Angie: Hey, you know what though? Uh do we have time for my story? Because Teresa, you want to hear my story. 

Theresa: I do want to hear your story. Let’s do it. Right. 

Angie: My sources are a everything explained today article, which might just be marginally uh a copy paste of Wikipedia, but who knows. The Age, which is a newspaper that comes from Australia. Uh this was this particular article was written in the 1960s by a Francis Murray. And then um the s a South Africa history online describing the second Matabella war after it broke out. Alright. I’m so excited to share this story with you guys. 

All the way back in episode eight, I shared a story, and there was an individual in that story that Teresa simply could not handle, and it brings me so much joy to tell you the story today of Captain Richard Howard Gorgeous or Dickie. Yes. Yes. He was implicated in the theft of the Irish Crown jewels. Oh wow. 

Theresa: And Teresa just couldn’t get over the fact that his name could he could have chosen chosen to go by Dick Gorgeous for his entire life. Carry on. Alright. 

Angie: So our boy Dickie was born in Boyle County, Ross Common in 1876. The newspaper article does suggest he might have been born in Kingston, but I don’t think that’s true. 

I did Lancestry.com digging and Boyle County seems to be the um place. Um all the sources say that he is from the Irish branch uh branch of a Norman Gorgeous family, and that the family had settled in England in the early thirteenth century. His father was Major John Arthur Howard’s Gorgeous, and his mother was Mary Kelly. 

Now she is a published author and a poet, and it is her family that comes from County Ross Common, which makes me fully believe that’s where he was born. I don’t know why anybody would suggest anything else, but that makes the most sense to me. 

Theresa: Because you want to go uh vacation when you’re twelve months pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. 

Angie: But yeah, that sounds great. Okay, so for whatever reason, and it is there’s parts of his life that there is no timeline for. But by 1888, he’s about twelve, he finds himself in South Africa. At first, I was assuming that the whole family went. But there are records of his dad living in Dublin in 1901. So I’m kind of thinking they I know they had family connections in South Africa, so it kind of makes me wonder if they just like shift him off to his weird uncle. Like do your thing, have all the fun. 

Um regardless. He is in South Africa, he fights in the second Martebella War of 1896. This is going to lead later to the creation of Rhodesia. But for now, the easy explanation is this is an uprising against you guessed it, the British. In fact, the rebellion is sparked by a combination of severe environmental and economic crisis that the indigenous spiritual leaders blame on the British. Good for them. Honestly. Right? 

Theresa: They’re not wrong, I’m sure. I don’t even need to listen to more facts. Right. 

Angie: Okay, so here’s where his timeline gets a little bit murky, but he s at some point during this war, he is um surrounded and cut off from the rest of his men. 

There is this overwhelming force of the indigenous that are like just kind of getting closer and closer and closer. And supposedly he shoots his way out as best as he can and then proceeds to escape by swimming swimming through the crocodile infested Limpopo River. And this is how he earns the nickname Daredevil Dick. So yes, he did go by Dickie. He did go by Dick, and Teresa, if you need it to know. 

Theresa: I mean, honestly, the more this guy is just a gay James Bond. 

Angie: Honest to goodness. Um at some point, during this time, whether it was when he joined the war or during the war or maybe s shortly after, he joins the Cape Police Force. On his application for the police force, he stated that he had previously spent 18 months with the Royal Canadian Degru Drag Dragoons. Here’s the thing. Up to 1888, there’s almost no record of him. So we don’t really know. I couldn’t find any military records to suggest he was with the Royal Dragoons. Could have been just telling a good lie. Who knows? 

Theresa: You know, when they can’t fact check you, that’s the best time to make the lie. Right? 

Angie: Honest to goodness, right? So after his time in the war, he grows pretty bored with peace, like shocking. Um so he thought he might drum up some fun and rob the De Beers Kimberly Vault. Now there was a whole story that I’m about to tell you, but my curious self asked, has the De Beers Kimedy Vault ever been robbed? Successfully? 

The answer is no. So, Oh. Supposedly, this is the world at the time. 

So think like late 1800s, early 1900s. This is the world’s most strongly guarded building, and it houses millions of dollars of diamonds. Okay. This is how the story goes. He has two accomplices and the two accomplices force the outer gate and then the inner steel gate that has these patent locks, which I’m assuming are incredibly special locks. And all the while they’re doing this, our guy, Dickie, is keeping watch. The two accomplices are able to open the large safe without any suspicion, but then one of them accidentally sets off the alarm and they flee. They get the heck out of Dodge long before the police get there, but not our man Dickie, no, because he’s a genius. He waits for the police to arrive and he waltzes in with them. 

Theresa: Like doing his thing. Oh, this. You’re posing. 

Angie: This is so ocean’s eleven to me. He is posing as one of the firm’s officers, and he is shouting urgent directions to the police. So you can imagine this is like a scene he is creating. And then he picks up a tray of diamonds and just walks out the front door, like nobody’s gonna stop him. He thinks he’s in the clear, but as he’s turning the corner, he almost runs right into the police sergeant. At which point he smashes the tray, holding about a hundred thousand dollars worth of diamonds into the sergeant’s face, and he escapes unidentified. And I know you’re curious, Teresa, I can see the look on your face. That is over 20 million US dollars today. 

Theresa: Thank you. Please and I’m also wondering, okay, this is what happens when you work at a jewelry store. This things you don’t think about. When you work with a jeweler, not just a jewelry store, but somebody who’s actually doing the work, there are tiny little diamonds that are used all over the place. And your jeweler boss, who will just kind of casually drop some on accident because he’ll hold some with some really thin little tweezers and they’ll jump out, and they’re like six cents apiece. He’s not truly concerned with binding that six dollar little bit. He’s just gonna grab another one, and you’re just gonna walk around during your shift in between customers and see something shiny, little piece of glitter behind the counter and go, Oh, hey boss, here’s another diamond. Oh my goodness. Yeah. So I’m wondering, did any like any loose ones just kind of land in a pocket, a cuff, like Oh, probably but here’s the thing. 

Angie: This is the vault where the Beers keeps its diamonds. It’s not a jewelry store. 

Theresa: It’s like the Oh, well aware, well aware. I’m simply saying that having having been near diamonds, I know those things. I’m not gonna say they’re like sand that they get everywhere, but kind of, especially if you launch a tray into the air. 

Angie: I okay, so that was my visual because it says it’s they smash him right in the face. So I’m like, so did the police get man go home and take his jacket off that night and is like flinging diamonds into the kitchen? 

Theresa: Oh, Would you have told anyone at that point? 

Angie: I would have love friends. Yeah, I know. keep your mouth shut. 

Theresa: Put that in the jewelry box. Five years from now, We’ll get it set. But until then, keep your mouth shut. Mm-hmm. 

Angie: Listen after limitations. Promotion. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Okay, so he escapes, he’s unscathed, he’s unidentified. Things are great. The Boarer War breaks out, and he’s finally got something to do. He is commissioned into Thornycroft’s mounted infantry. So here he is basically law on to himself, and he works as this like roving patrol. The newspaper talks about an article uh uh in in the newspaper article he talks about this incident where on the occasion that his men have been um pay has failed to show up for them, he just he holds up some sort of supply wagon. It’s called a specie wagon. Uh, And uh he just pays his men with the looted gold. Like, well, we’re gonna get you paid one way or another. 

Theresa: I now want to know what a species wagon is because I’ve got additional questions. 

Angie: Me too. I didn’t Google it. That was for later. Um he did so here’s what’s really interesting. He did get four medals during the Boer War, but was a evidently dishonorably discharged in March of 1900. Allegedly for sodomy. And here is where Ancestry.com comes in because I saw his discharge papers, they just said dis discharge for misconduct. 

Theresa: Tomato tomato is given the time period. Yeah. 

Angie: And also, if you’re dishonorably discharged, how many more times can you join the army? Because he goes back. Oh my god. But anyway. 

Theresa: What was that about lying when they can’t check your records? Right. It wasn’t digitized. 

Angie: You’re absolutely right. Okay, so he becomes an orderly with the Imperial Hospital Corps. He does this does this for like maybe six months, but then in April of 1901, he joins Scott’s Railway Guard as a lieutenant. He leaves this post in September. His last post is going to be as a lieutenant in the Border Scouts from November 1901 to 1902. Or to May of 1902. By November of 02, he is in London where he has joined at the 3rd Battalion Royal Irish Regiment as the instructor in musketry as a captain. 

Okay. From here he makes his way to Dublin, where his main job is to guard the Dublin Castle, which is the very place where the Irish Crown jewels were stored in a safe that never made it into a vault room because why, Teresa? The safe was too big, the door was too small, and it was kept in the stupid library. 

Theresa: I mean, honestly, this is just put knowing his background, this is putting foxes in the hen house. Oh, a hundred percent. 

Angie: Right. So this library where for anybody that does not know the story of the Irish Crown Jewel set, this library also serves the purpose of a reception room for Sir Arthur Vickers, who is the Ulster King of Arms. Sir Arthur Vickers had planned to put the safe where it belonged. It just never got around to it. 

Theresa: I mean, look, the door’s too small, we’re gonna have to call in several contractors, the permits are insane. Yeah, don’t worry about it. 

Angie: The Irish Crown Jewels go missing in July of 1907, and the blame would be more often on than not put squarely on Dickie. Now, here’s the thing. To everyone who blamed him to who blamed him what did I write here? Oh my god. 

To anyone who did place the blame on him in their defense, the newspaper articles said that years later he did cop to it. So there’s that. Now what he says is the group of friends that he’s made, including Arthur Vickers, um, they they play fast, they play hard, they are often broke. 

And their means of dealing with being broke is just that occasionally they would pawn the jewels and get the money back and then go pay for the jewels, and that would be that. So with that, you should know that just about everyone in this group, including Arthur Vickers, looks pretty damn suspicious. Like not one of ’em has a clean record. Right. Oh, one. 

Theresa: I’m not saying you should do background check on your lovers, but it clearly you should do background checks on your lovers. Honestly God. 

Angie: So uh, you know, do that what you’re gonna do. He is never charged ever. And Vickers always thought it was because if they prosecuted Dickie, they would be letting quote light to crimes much worse than theft. Interesting. So 

everything is just sort of swept under the c uh under the carpet. Dickie does resign his visit position on August 9th of 1908, and he leaves the army until the outbreak of World War One, which we would then find him in the 9th Battalion Border Regiment. He leaves that army and or in that regiment in 1915, blaming the headaches and the drink, because my guy loves a drink. 

Theresa: And I have a feeling the headaches are from the drink. You shocked? Yeah, I’m not. Oh, and I looked up Specie Wagon. Uh it’s their historical freight wagons used by banks, express companies to transport uh gold, silver, coinage. So it’s it’s the old tiny Brinks armored vehicle. Okay. Perfect. 

Angie: So I was thinking there was gonna be animals. I mean, The same. 

Theresa: I was very serious curious as to why Peacocks had gold coined, but Yeah. Yeah. Okay. 

Angie: So, um two things to know about this human, he is always drinking and he is always gambling, so this next bit will come as no surprise to either of you. On at least one occasion, a junior officer had reported to the police that Gorges had fleeced him at cards at this local gambling house. 

Theresa: They only report him because they lost Nart. I know, right? 

Angie: You just get stitches or whatever. You just get stitches too, actually. It’s true. You know what you’re right. Um on July twelfth of nineteen fifteen, Dickie returns home to his lodging house at Hampstead quite drunk to find Detective Sergeant Arthur Askew and a one detective young waiting for him with a warrant. In the following moments, Detective Young would be dead and detective Eskew would be wrestling the revolver that Gorges kept on the mantle from his hand. So our man is arrested for the death of a police officer. At the old Bailey, he would say that he had been very drunk and didn’t know they were police and he was just trying to defend himself and the revolver had accidentally been fired in the struggle. He 

gets charged with manslaughter because the jury gives him the benefit of the doubt on that last point about the gun fragrance. Like maybe. Hmm? We’re not wearing body cams at this time. We don’t know. 

Theresa: don’t know. It can’t be sober enough to identify a badge. 

Angie: He’s given 12 years and was released in the early 40s. He’s in his 60s at this point. Now, according to the article, this is where he admits to the Crown Jewel stuff saying exactly that they would pawn him when they needed and get then get the money back. He said that when they found out that King was coming that July in 1907, that they had tried to get the money together but couldn’t. So he took the rest on the idea that, quote, he might as well hang for the sheep as for the lamb. Like he also said that he did get 30,000 for the jewels, but he had given the money to the rest of the group and believed that the events of the shooting of the police officer in 1950 and his sub or 1915 and his subsequent arrest were just a way to hold him there pending further investigation into the theft of the crown jewels. And 

here’s the thing. The theft had the the investigation in the theft was pretty much kibosh shortly after the theft. Like there was no further investigation that we know of. So he’s gonna believe what he’s gonna believe. Right. 

Not long after this article comes out, he is standing on a busy train platform waiting for the tube at Edgeware Road Station. As the train is like plowing by, he falls into the lines and is killed instantly. 

Theresa: Oh wow, he’s one of the reasons why they say mind the gap. 

Angie: Pretty much. Now, the coroner can’t determine if it’s an accident, a murder, or if he jumped himself. His findings are left open and simply stated, killed by a train. Now, 

Francis Murray, reporting for the age, which is this newspaper that hails all the way from Melbourne, Australia, says in 1961, so like 15 years after his death. The story, she tells the story of his life and says, quote, such was the official epithet to Richard Gorgeous. It emphasized the mysterious ending to an enematic enigmatic. Enigmatic career highlighted by Daredevil heroism, spectacular crime, petty fraud, and manslaughter that narrowly escaped the brand of murder. 

Theresa: Wow. Wow. So that’s the last Dick Gorgeous. By the epitaph. 

Angie: Right. The more I learn about this man. 

Angie: Honest to goodness. Oh, and not in my notes at all. He had a brother who married so he comes from Goodstock, but his brother, like, sorted his life out quite differently, and married an heiress from the United States. So as he’s like getting into like petty crime problems, his brother is sending money to foot the bill. Wow. Yeah. 

Theresa: Dickie Gorgeous had it coming and going. mind conditioning. And not That’s the story of Dick Gorgeous. 

Speaker 3: Wow, that is a fascinating character. 

Angie: And I need you to know, Nikki, I have been waiting a long time to share this, so thank you. Thank you for being here. 

Speaker 3: Thank you for uh sharing that one. I’m I’m gonna have to look more into him. He sounds fascinating. 

Angie: That’s all you’re gonna find. There are approximately two sources on the internet that tell his story. Wow. 

Theresa: I mean, you can go back and listen to the theft of the Irish Crown Jewels, episode eight. You know? And then now you’ll know the backstory as to why I’m in love with just the name Dick Gorgeous. 

Angie: He’s pretty fabulous. Like I I I looked I was surfing Ancestry.com looking for like historical records. If and there are more newspaper clippings and things like that, but as far as there being like there was no memoir, there was no like official record. And I think it is all because of the Irish Crown Jewels, like everything about this man was just like Bye. The less you know the better. Wow. There you go. 

Theresa: Well, if you are in love with Dick Gorgeous, rate reviews. And who would I mean truly? Um send this to somebody else, also overindexed on it on Dick Gorgeous, maybe underindexed, your choice. And honestly, check out the History Unlocked podcast with Nikki. Listen 

to it, share it with other people who need their history unlocked, and we’ll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye.